I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize