He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
