dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
