Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
