He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
