your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
