Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
