That's intense
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
