i don't plan on having that self control this summer
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
