I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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