think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
