how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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