I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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