walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
