you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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