We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
