Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We need to feng shui this bitch.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize