i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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