she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Mom said you looked used
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
