just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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