Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Did I show you my penis last night?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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