We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
