you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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