There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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