i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
