i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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