I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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