I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
