Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
