first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
3pm strippers are depressing
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
