just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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