If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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