Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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