If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
