she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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