Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
