i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Walk of Shame today included voting.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
