two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
