I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
