Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
