im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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