shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
