C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
