Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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