You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
