Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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