my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
