I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
