She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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