I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
