Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
