All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
