Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
