Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
