$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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