i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
