Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
