How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
