i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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