i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize