Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
