Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
