if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
