They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize