never play flip cup with pint glasses
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The Olympian is in my bed
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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