You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
