i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I party with great urgency now.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
