You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Randomize
