He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
everyone is single if you try hard enough
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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