i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
