now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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