just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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