sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
