Having a random hookup so left but love u
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Randomize
