i think i have herpe
just one?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
