either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
