So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
