Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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