I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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