Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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