i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
