I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My vagina just clenched in fear
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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