my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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