New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
