i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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