wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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