You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
