i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
