the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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