She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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