On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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