I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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