So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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