he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
