At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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