i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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